saturday morning thoughts

It's been a good week 

I have been in action 

and no not the shoving food in my face kinda action

Yeah I fell off my plan 

hid for a bit 

but I am back 

 put some good solid support in place 

and it's not ALL settled yet 

but in the works

feeling so so much better 

I get into trouble when I isolate 

I need support 

peeps 

my homies 

y'all 

yeah sorry this is as much about you as it is about me! 

so today's plan? 

I am going to try something totally NEW!!! 

Zumba! 

yeah girl here ain't got an ounce of rhythm in her body 

so it'll be interesting 

but fun I am sure! 

movies later with da hubby 

and staying connected to support 

yo peace! 

Figuring some stuff out

I have taken steps 

scary steps 

but time to do some work 

it's not so much about the number on the scale 

but the relationship with the food that is the issue now. 

I had ALWAYS thought just MY journey and it is kinda.... 

but if I choose to go this alone it is harder

 and I feel scared, I lie to myself  I sabotage myself. 

I am learning (have learned) I need support from several different sources 

I will figure this out

I AM doing this and what I have come to understand is 

smaller Karla is an anomaly 

definition of anomaly: something that deviates from what is standard, normal, or expected

so I have to make friends with smaller Karla when she gets here 

and she is kinda scary 

okay I have officially entered weirdo zone here 

but I truly think getting there isn't/wasn't the problem 

and so why was staying there (goal weight) such a problem? 

it's weird after being 50-60 pounds more for pretty much the majority of my life  

to all of a sudden to expect to just be okay and accepting and 

to SEE myself as this smaller human 

okay have I lost everyone here? 

I know my issue 

being okay with smaller me 

I know what I need 

support and accountability

and perhaps some therapy.... that I am in process of setting up 

why can't everything just be yeah or nay? 

life's complicated 

ahhh I miss the old days when I used to just think 

calories in vs calories out 

unfortunately life just isn't that simple 

work to do 

on the daily today's plan 

coffee

blog

work out 

shower

eat

read

relax

 a call tonight 

then relax some more 

tootles 

Today's plan

why is today important?
it's day three
day three always seems to be an especially hard day
don't know why
so let's think this out
I have my food packed
work today is 6-430
yeah the grocery business is a hard taskmaster
I have all my food sitting on the kitchen counter
Also have my gallon of water
and I saved a meal for when I get home to have with the hubster
no workout today
6AM start time
I don't want to build up today in my head
I have a few audio books in my phone
and a link to a recorded call
so the drive home I can listen and chill
don't make today a bigger deal than it is
I read this morning
worked on my mindset
I packed my food
I FEEL GREAT!
so pick up the tools
I will reach out today if I am struggling
I have several avenues of help if needed
this may seem so freakin silly to some
but I just want to stop the craziness
plan is this:
NEVER less than 1500 calories
NEVER more than 1700
less than 1500 usually results in a binge
so today's plan is 1549
I'll drop a comment on this post right before bed tonight
SERF ....
spirituality, exercise, rest and food and I think accountability and support
plans for the day

tootles
love, peace and chicken grease
off to work I go

Odd

The smallest shift 

The tiniest adjustment 

Not a diet 

Not about losing weight 

Yesterday I went walking .... I went for a long walk

Not to burn off calories 

Not burn to earn 

But because I feel better when I move my body 

And I made a realistic plan 

Not this crazy low calorie lose weight plan 

But a doable, eat food plan 

And there were moments I can’t lie 

Moments I thought 

Oh have Less 

Weight loss will be faster 

But that’s not the goal 

Living my life is the goal 

Stopping the crazies is the goal 

First three days are always the easiest 

Not to dismiss the day 

But I ate 

Moved 

And didn’t worry about weight 

Kept the integrity of the plan
Sean rip off much there Karla?

yesterdays food:

and numbers were 100% within plan 

Goals are for another blog topic

gotta run gym time

love, peace and chicken grease 😊

Thank you Charles Schulz

I have been reading Sean's blog like crazy 

trying to figure this out 

why is this such a battle? 

when did the train leave the tracks? 

and the bigger question... 

why? 

if you have read this blog I am either really ON or really OFF

so I am going to focus on my friend's perspective 

to look at this like a plan 

and it has guard rails 

make a REALISTIC daily calorie bank 

stealing a plan there much Karla? 

whatever it is obviously working for my homie Sean 

so I am a plan stealer 

but I will tweek it to me 

what derails me? 

evenings are my achilles heal 

so I need a plan for evenings 

I get sick of hearing myself so sometimes I don't blog cause it's the same 

like that Snoopy character 

flapping my lips but it's all blah blah blah 

but it's mine to figure out 

and some people that I respect SO MUCH 

are always on 

always dialed 

always diligent 

always aware 

never seem to fall, they enjoy life, relax but don't ever seem to truly struggle 

me? This isn't my story 

I struggle 

every stinkin day 

and regain has been in my life since freakin birth! 

I am not anywhere near where I was 

but my mindset is slippin 

and I can feel it 

it's mayhem right now 

doctors appointment coming up soon 

I need to focus on health 

a plan, a life time doable plan 

not a diet 

diets do not work for me 

::::::sigh::::: 

why do I even write this dribble 

why are you even reading this? 

okay come on girl 

change your state 

I am going to go for a walk

right freaking now my peeps 

and take this day and make it 

my biotch 

change your space 

change your state 

I can do just today

for today 

just today 

dang this girl is a mess! 

Quickie

All good here in Cali 

I’m not worried about a diet 

I’m not worried about losing weight 

and it’s weird I’m just worried about taking care of myself 

I have been unfollowing toxic people on social media 

I’ve been reading in the mornings 

I’ve been staying away from sugars and it’s just crazy how in like a week today is actually day for 100% on plan I feel so much better it’s not just the weight that I’ve dropped in the last 10 days it’s the weight off of my shoulders that I have dropped and you know my coach always tells me

It’s from the inside out

That podcast I listened to totally resonated about taking care of your gut health 

I’ve been paying extra attention to that and it seems to also be helping

Yes using the meal prep service was kind of a cheat but tomorrow I will cook and I’ve cooked like 1 million times so I totally know what to make

The whole tweeting thing seems to be helping also

Here’s to another on plan day 

No dieting 

No restricting 

No self shaming talk 

No sugar 

keeping on keeping on

yesterday went well 

I wasn't as good with the pictures and twitter though 

I stayed to the food plan 

only "thing" would have been the caffeine free Diet coke 

every day when I eat according to plan 

I feel better and then I am always 

wondering.... why I go off plan 

I was listening to a podcast on the way home last night 

that got me thinking about gut health 

and the why's of food cravings 

and reading on the internet this morning 

interesting stuff 

okay onto another day "on plan" 

what I have done that I haven't mentioned 

to make sure I get my gallon of water in 

I bought a gallon container 

$8 at Sprouts 

but Amazon only has about a gazillion choices 😂

it honestly has helped to make sure 

#1 I get my water in 

and #2 that I am DONE with my water no later than 3pm (so I sleep uninterrupted) 

so here we go 

another work day 

gym this morning at 5:30 AM 

work 10-8 ugh 

and food is all planned, measured, weighed and recorded (friend me at My Fitness Pal) 

tootles my noodles