Morning thoughts

 thinking this morning 

I have spent the better part of this last year... searching, grumbling, feeling less than, paying out money, trying this, that and the other thang a ma bob .... to find myself in the same spot 

moral of this story: Make peace with yo self Girl! 

go slow 

track your food, move your body in some way, drink water and trust the process 

quick fixes may give you quick results that go by the way side just as quick and throwing money at it is just plain ole silly ... save the money and buy art supplies 🤣

food packed and tracked today via Itrackbites 

2020 so far

 Has been rough

nothing new, right? 

got on the scale this morning 170 straight up

Due to covid and a jacked up shoulder the gym out of the picture 

looked for a Facebook group for accountability 

meh 

so here I am... let's see where this goes, shall we? 

Real talk maybe for once...

I am struggling a tad bit lately
I for the most part try and keep this blog "light and polite"
can I just vent here for a moment?
Please?

• NO I do not know when we will get yeast back in stock
• ahhh YES it is ordered
• NO I do not know when it will come in
• No you cannot return something, ahhh PANDEMIC mean anything to you? and the fact that the virus can live on a surface for XYZ amount of time (code for I am not a scientist and have no clue)
• YES the return policy is posted LIKE EVERYWHERE, every checkstand, at front door and at exit door 
• Can we talk a moment here about what EXACTLY price gouging is? ... or more what it is NOT.... if your favorite one ply toilet tissue is sold out that is on the regular $4 and you are still having to pay $4 but now is out of stock... and now all I have is the Lamborghini brand that y'all never ever bought because it WAS $12 and is STILL the same price $12 but you NEVER wanted to spend the $12 and it is STILL $12 ..... this is NOT price gouging 
• when you think you can call in sick and then are SHOCKED that you cannot return to work without a note from your doctor .... ahhh really? again y'all do realize we have the COVID19 flu pandemic going on in the world right? 
• When you post on your social media that your life is PERFECT, you are sweet, chipper, inspiring, always perfectly made up, never slouchy, never have a fight with your husband, never EVER mention the pandemic, being locked down, never have any frustrations .... ah yeah are you even a REAL person or some kind or cyborg? Like maybe you are the female sweet as sugar Terminator?  (and if are in my life and I talk to you and you think I am talking about you... no!!) 
• what is and is not staying home, like we have a STAY home order.... posting going to the beach, the river, etc etc etc .... while my poor cooped up family is going BONKERS from the isolation and y'all are out WITHOUT masks, with zero evidence of there being a stay at home ordinance.... yeah you are pissing me off!!! I do not feel necessary to have to apologize for these feelings.... have you freaking READ that you can contract this and spread it without symptoms so would you PLEASE do like the rest of us are doing and FOLLOW direction? 

sorry this post is not all roses and perfectly polite "light and polite, offend no one" sort of usual post 

and yes I do get the whole... think before you speak thing 

and yes I do also get the "spread love not hate" thing 

and yes I AM a GOOD person 

but that's the thing I AM A person with feelings, emotions and when you post EVERY bit of your life on social media.... yeah I am a bit judge-y ... how can I not be?

maybe too real of a post for me? 

again I would like to state .... I AM A HUMAN BEING WITH THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS

real talk...

am I sorry? 

disclaimer.... the above post are MY thoughts, feelings and emotions and not representative of any company, establishment, corporation or individual I am in any way shape or form associated with... 

non quarantine life

This is a weight loss blog true
but it is also a life blog
so lets get the whole weight loss stuff outta the way
down 25 pounds since 1/1/2020
15 more to go

and in these crazy times I am actually not focusing on the food and the weight is coming off

So if you have ever read this blog before you know I am a grocery store manager

It's hard working during the COVID19 crisis
I am scared, nervous, frustrated, and down right ANGRY most of the time

let me explain

scared: ah duh... then add to this... why do you have to go to the grocery store EVERY SINGLE DAY????? or why do you coming to the grocery store with all 5 of your kids? (if they aren't your kids more shame on you!!!)

nervous: when did I wash my hands last? oh man I just touched that... time to go wash my hands again. Looking at EVERY person and thinking of the numbers... have you been in contact with any one of the 35 confirmed cases in the city I work in? .....

frustrated: work has NEVER been through any of this type of situation. Literally one minute to the next the direction changes... it is hard to keep up and I am drowning trying to

and lets add to it... the friggin toilet paper... like what is this about? like seriously? This virus does NOT make you poop... so why oh why are y'all still running to buy the toilet paper? I DO NOT GET THIS!!!!

down right angry! this is an easy one!!!
this is a REAL pandemic ... not put on this planet by a president YOU don't like
this is a REAL stay at home order ... so FRIGGIN STAY HOME!!!!
this is REAL like keep your distance... I am constantly saying "ahhh 6 feet away! You're in my bubble"
this is scary, be patient with frightened people, they are SCARED!!!

and lastly it seems like most of my day is squashing rumors and keeping people calm

I am JUST an essential worker that is oh so not thrilled about going to work daily

then I read of someone struggling and perhaps losing their business
I am working,
so many aren't working...  and I then immediately feel ungrateful
then I feel ashamed of myself
then I go to work and go through the fear, nervous, frustrated and angry phase
AGAIN

can I get a refund on 2020?

Post 17 of 2020

yep still here 

yep still on the journey 

I have kept this journey off my Facebook and Instagram 

kinda using the shut up and just do it approach

work to do! 

start 178 on 1/1/2020

had a blip and went to 179

this morning 161.6

which is down 17.4 from the high 2020 weight 

22.6 to go 

139 is goal weight 

so this is 43.5% of the way 

almost half way 

next goal 159... only 2.6 until I get there 

woot woot 

what is different this time? 

I feel less structured

less stressed 

I haven't been counting or tracking 

just common sense 

yesterday was: 

      → egg whites and oat meal 

      → shake 

      → snack of Wasa toast and a light Laughing cow 

      → dinner of the meal prep I ordered from the gym 

and I worked out yesterday 

water I have SUCKED at 

been drinking a lot of diet soda 

yeah I know, I know 

not good 

as I sit here drinking a caffeine free Diet Coke 

Listening to A LOT of Joyce Meyer on Spotify

LOVE LOVE LOVE 

well, day off actually it's vacation time for me 

off to my art table guys and gals 

16 of 2020

Dare I say 

is it possible?
maybe too early to call? 

but I think .… cautiously I may be on the track back 

The scale has been slow is what I have been 

telling myself

but really? 

I think 2 a week is NOT slow! 

so I keep pluggin

I have some to go 

but giving up won't make it faster

and more than the weight 

let's get serious here 

I FEEL so much better 

my clothes fit better

my confidence is coming back 

and we are talking 10 pounds! 

keep on keeping on girl 

tootles my noodles 

January recap

well I learned me sumpin this last month 

a life time of YO Yo weight fluctuations is NOT forgiving 

lost 8.8 in January 

back 10 years ago 8.8 would have been week 1!

I figured not me 

I'm different 

I got this 

nah... all malarkey 

apparently not! 

but getting frustrated and quitting won't get me to my goals 

this is totally 

I made my mess, now I have to figure it out 

I say this because I have been 

on point 100% for the last 3 weeks 

week 1 of 2020 … no

so really the 8.8 is in the last 3 weeks 

I will keep on keeping on 

because even if it slows to 5 a month 

that's still progress 

that is all