Thursday, November 1, 2012

supportive vs enabling

I love blogging

I truly believe that the reason I lost the weight was because of the support I received through other bloggers

I followed people for various reasons, because of their success, how they handled situations so I could learn from them.  I also followed folks because they never could do it. Those would count this or measure that. Post their workouts,  but the scale never would show the results of all these things they were saying they were doing. So they were lying... but not to me, or other bloggers. They were lying to themselves, and I would still follow to see when and if they had that "lighting bolt" moment, some never do

I had a few of those "lighting bolt moments" I still pull on

a work meeting as I am shoving pizza into my 200 pound face and whining about how I couldn't lose weight, someone looked at me in that meeting and made a comment, I don't remember his exact words but it was something like...." well, duh!!! look what you are eating"

another was my daughter saying to me as I was whining about my weight, "I DO NOT FEEL sorry for you Mom, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!" ... oh man was I angry at her, for MONTH's .... but she was right

so it is hard, I want to be supportive, and not an ass. But sometimes people are enabling with their comments. People kicking my butt is what got me proactive about my health. My wonderful husband for years never said anything about my weight, now he is my biggest cheerleader!!

there is a fine line between supportive and enabling, usually when I am not sure what to say, I stay quiet, but then I am just being a coward...

it is complicated

4 comments:

  1. OMG! So true! The truth is sometimes so difficult to hear and, yes, there are lots of bloggers who do enable with comments.

    Sometimes, I like for someone to kick me in the butt on here and say, "Chubby! Step away from the candy or your saddlebags will get bigger! Go for a run instead." LOL! It's even difficult to write that, but I prefer the hard-truths more than the strokes to the ego for when I falter. Condoning bad behavior isn't going to help someone stay on target. It could potentially do more harm than good.

    But...you're right...it's also tough to know when to speak truths to another blogger (or person...like my husband...in my case) or just hush up and leave that comment box empty.

    So frustrating!

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  2. I think it's wise to be quiet if you're not sure... that's not cowardice. Some people respond to Tough Love and need that slap in the face. Other people do not. I have not been one who responded to tough love... I was ALREADY tough on myself and ALREADY so completely self-loathing that a slap in my face would have just taken me further down and it did.

    So when we don't know, it's smart to not say anything. Pray for people. Sometimes that's all you can do. Prayer is powerful. I attribute my success to 80% prayer, 20% action... literally, at least for me. But that 20% was so much more than 0%.

    ~Margene

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  3. I don't mind comments that are supportive as long as they are not bullying. I do not condone putting people down or making fun of them. On the other hand when you see people on a downward slope it's really hard not to say anything or enable. Everyone is different and what will motivate one doesn't necessarily motivate someone else.

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  4. I recently posted about this, somewhat. I agree with Mom to the 4th, I am so hard on myself that when other people offer negative comments, it's like a punch in the face and I just get harder on myself, which FOR ME, isn't healthy. I start to feel hopeless. Supportive, positive comments help reinforce good behavior for me. I KNOW when I am eating something I shouldn't I don't need everyone and their mother scolding me about it. I also take the more negative comments better from those who comment on my blog regularly, with supportive comments more often than the negative ones. I absolutely hate it when someone who never bothers to comment on my blog any other time only comments when they have something rude or negative to say.

    Also, being quick to judge someone about not losing weight isn't wise either. This is such a personal journey. They could have an unknown health problem that makes losing weight practically impossible, you just never know. I am completely honest on my blog, and to think there may be people out there who read just so they can see what a train wreck I am would be pretty discouraging!! It's a HUGE struggle. I sympathize with anyone who struggles with their weight because I can understand what they're going through without ENABLING them. Supportive comments do not ENABLE me, they encourage me to keep trying. Encouraging others to make good choices is what's important.

    I stay quiet about things I see others do that I wouldn't necessarily do myself because I know I have my "issues" too, some I am still struggling with and others that I have overcome along my journey.

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