Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Food drunk

Good morning 
I am a sober alcoholic. I don't drink. I am an UGLY person for YEARS when I drink 

I have done some damage to .....

Well ya get it ...

The problem with being "sober" is when you are an alcoholic.... You still have the behaviors

Where have I been? Barely posting on Instagram? Hardly a new blog post to be found? Not texting my trainer ..... Yep.... Off on a food drunk 

Damage was MAJOR!!!! Shame, guilt and discomfort all there.... I started to go in to the typical response.... Falling out of sight... No one will know... I can get my weight back down before anyone notice... Quiet Karla.... Deal with it.... Just drop outta sight for a while.... No one will notice
 
NO!!!!

When I have a lot of turmoil in my life I react... I don't drink alcohol any more so I turn to the next thing.... Food!!!

Cookies
Candy bars
Chocolate covered peanut
Ice cream 

All for what??? I know I have the personality that I am a MAJOR control FREAK!!! And when I don't know what is in my future .... When there is uncertainty, the behaviors come back ...

You would think I would have figured out how to cope by now, huh??? Derp

So there it is my confessional 

I was as high as 139.8 up from 133 
This morning 137.8....it is not JUST about the number on the scale it is the feelings that are associated with the out of control behavior, the feelings of helplessness... Anxiety, fear, and all the craziness inside my head!!! 

Breath Karla, take life ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!! Sometimes I have to remind myself one whole day is too much... Take it a minute at a time

I appear on the outside all relaxed, but the craziness inside my head is what drives the out of control eating behaviors. If I don't know how things are going to go... I have to let go of the situation, give it to my higher power.... Let Go and Let God

I have to call someone... (my trainer) Or blog... Or Instagram, or text my sister or my daughter 

Reach out 

Man do I feel better... Love you guys 

5 comments:

  1. Hugs and prayers and good thoughts heading your way.

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  2. Anytime you want to e-mail me or text me I'm here!! It's so hard when we're dealing with stress especially when it's out of our hands. Hope everything falls into place and stay strong. You are so worth it!!

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  3. You are not alone. I totally get this . Totally. Glad you checked in with us. Hit me up any time if you want to talk ( my email is on the about me tab on my blog).

    I'm one bite away from eating off the rails at all times. Especially if I eat a trigger food.

    Hang in there and meal by meal, minute by minute. Karen P.

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  4. I too am here for you and will always be here. Thanks for checking in and recognizing the beginning of "the hide-away"!! Let's do a google hangout sometime soon! Love ya!

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  5. I know what you're talking about all too well. I am still trying to figure out how to gain control. It's so great to see you back and I hope you continue to pull yourself back each day. Like you said, sometimes we do have to take in smaller chunks than a day to survive. Do what you need to, but don't hide too long. That's when things can really get out of control.

    Best wishes for a great finish to this week. You can do it!

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