so I am handling my weight like I handled my alcoholism
diet-binge cycle.... alcoholism... both are addictions for me
I was not a good sober alcoholic... am not a good sober alcoholic
I never did the 12 steps... didn't want to vomit all my "stuff" to anyone
I am what AAers call a dry drunk... doomed to drink again
yeah me ... doomed
I am making light of it, but yeah I think about drinking on the occasion... for crying out loud I am a grocery store MANAGER!!!! they have thee coolest liquor flavors now... where were all those when I was drinking???
but seriously what keeps me sober now a days are a few facts:
- if I drink... I will be drunk for a few years... FACT
- if I drink... I will fracture relationships... possible sever them and these are relationships I hold DEAR and are critical to my emotional well being
- if I drink... I put my job in jeopardy ... and I am too danged old to go through THAT
but food is not a simple as booze... you gotta eat ... annoying huh?
again I am making light of this... but these are my real life issues
so how do I maintain food sobriety? ...
well obviously I have work to do...
I am not even 30 days binge free
I will start there ... 3/29/2015 was my last food binge ... Shame is what I feel when this happens
... shameful or tragic. BB The Family Afterward, p.123
Now and then the family will be plagued by spectres from the past, for the drinking career of almost every alcoholic has been marked by escapades, funny, humiliating, shameful or tragic.
so today I am off... Chances of binge always increase on my off days... no one around to witness the incident... secretive...
but because of this blog and my decision to spill my guts to unseen people I am putting it out there
today ... all days off are scary dangerous for me on the binge-o-meter
sometimes I think I should go back to my plain ole food diary posts
this kind of blog post is kind of scary to put out there
just push publish Karla and walk away from the computer