Thursday, April 9, 2015

Doomed ... and real life issues

so I am handling my weight like I handled my alcoholism 
diet-binge cycle.... alcoholism... both are addictions for me 

I was not a good sober alcoholic... am not a good sober alcoholic 

I never did the 12 steps... didn't want to vomit all my "stuff" to anyone 
I am what AAers call a dry drunk... doomed to drink again 

yeah me ... doomed 



I am making light of it, but yeah I think about drinking on the occasion... for crying out loud I am a grocery store MANAGER!!!! they have thee coolest liquor flavors now... where were all those when I was drinking??? 
 but seriously what keeps me sober now a days are a few facts: 

  • if I drink... I will be drunk for a few years... FACT 
  • if I drink... I will fracture relationships... possible sever them and these are relationships I hold DEAR and are critical to my emotional well being 
  • if I drink... I put my job in jeopardy ... and I am too danged old to go through THAT 
easy peasy 

but food is not a simple as booze... you gotta eat ... annoying huh? 



again I am making light of this... but these are my real life issues 

so how do I maintain food sobriety? ... 
well obviously I have work to do... 
I am not even 30 days binge free 

I will start there ... 3/29/2015 was my last food binge ... Shame is what I feel when this happens 
... shameful or tragic.   BB The Family Afterward, p.123   View THE FAMILY AFTERWARD chapter

Now and then the family will be plagued by spectres from the past, for the drinking career of almost every alcoholic has been marked by escapadesfunnyhumiliatingshameful or tragic.

so today I am off... Chances of binge always increase on my off days... no one around to witness the incident... secretive...


but because of this blog and my decision to spill my guts to unseen people I am putting it out there 
today ... all days off are scary dangerous for me on the binge-o-meter 


sometimes I think I should go back to my plain ole food diary posts 
this kind of blog post is kind of scary to put out there 


ee gads!!! 
just push publish Karla and walk away from the computer 

tootles 

3 comments:

  1. I enjoyed your food diary posts. I binge too, I lose my motivation....usually that's when I stop posting to my blog and not surprisingly the scale gets higher, hang in there Carla....keep on walking through this!

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  2. I too liked your food diary posts but also enjoy posts like this. You express what many of us go through.

    I wonder if it's easier not to binge on work days because you are busier and the days are more structured? When I am off work and have too much time on my hands I think about food much more frequently. As someone in recovery also (not a 12 stepper either) I agree that food is much harder to abstain from.

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  3. I knew someone years ago in OA who was also an alcoholic (and a former Marine). She once said that food was harder because "Three times a day you have to let the tiger out of the cage." Can't imagine the added difficulty of your job, too. Hugs and good thoughts to you.

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