Friday, October 30, 2015


I remember when I was in high school back in the 70's and I went to Weight Watchers for the first time with my Mom 

I couldn't have weighed more than 150
I went from 125-150 in high school 

that was kind of the beginning of this neurosis 

back then I remember my brother asking for a bite and eating over 2/3's of my food 

back then I would have a plate of chicken and noodles, carefully measured out and my Mom would go on and on about "look how much food you can eat!!!!" 

back then I would call her at work when I got home from school .... "Mom I am soooo hungry" she would tell me to eat oranges 

way way way back when 

that's when I first tried diet pills.... 

so many years of craziness... 

I am not there yet 

but I am reflecting lately on the why's of all this 

where did my confidence go? why is there no motivation? 

I went and lifted yesterday with my trainer... dang first time in a month for sure 

blaming a busy work schedule isn't the whole truth 

where did my confidence go? why is there no motivation? 

I went and it felt good, bad, hard, scary to look in the gym mirror 

but I have been remembering.... and realizing this has to be about me 

this has to be for me 

that doesn't make me a bad person... to care and nurture for myself 

to spend time and money on myself 

gotta run 

things to do 

but first today I will care about me 
and be nice and take care of me 

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