Saturday, October 31, 2015

Remembering Part 2

when I was in high school there was a store.... the 5-7-9 store... I wanted SO bad to be able to shop in that store, but I couldn't

I still remember the store, I remember where it was in the mall

Then later in my life

"wow you have gained a lot of weight" OMG I was horrified the person had the nerve to say that to me

... as I am holding up size 12 jeans... "oh my Gawd if you wear that BIG of a size I will go ahead and shoot you myself"

It was always a struggle... then pregnancies and babies

it literally took me 10 years to lose my baby weight ... get back to the pre pregnancy me

10 friggin years!!!

then I remember when on line came around and the internet (yeah I am old) it was only AOL back then

and information overload

those were the diet pills years

then I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and no more diet pills ... didn't want to die

I basically gave up fell into the bottle... then came AA ... and I climbed out of the bottle

weight fell off

okay in my mind it was the booze all along

problem solved.... I am CURED!!

but I wasn't because the weight came back

what the heck!!!

then in 2010 I tried Weight Watchers AGAIN with no expectation of success

I just realized it was going to take a long time and this blog helped me but then it came back AGAIN

what the hell!!! this is so friggin annoying

so here I sit at 56 with no magic solution.... it wasn't the booze, the diet pills are a no go .... organized meetings freak me out (the anti social part of me.... AA didn't cure that in me)

so I guess there is no "cure" no "magic solution" what works for you may not and does not work for me

it's just little (or medium sized) ole me .... that was my attempt at humor

just little ole me doing this thing ... called life... no not just losing weight

life

it is in session

Hawaii is just around the corner and I am going to go and have an awesome time and not obsess over the fact that I am no longer a size 6... maybe one day again but I am not going to wait... not going to wait to feel good about my life

I have a good life, many blessings

yesterday was on point... today is planned (food wise)

and I am here to fight another day

tootles bloggity folks









Friday, October 30, 2015

Remembering

I remember when I was in high school back in the 70's and I went to Weight Watchers for the first time with my Mom 

I couldn't have weighed more than 150
I went from 125-150 in high school 

that was kind of the beginning of this neurosis 

back then I remember my brother asking for a bite and eating over 2/3's of my food 

back then I would have a plate of chicken and noodles, carefully measured out and my Mom would go on and on about "look how much food you can eat!!!!" 

back then I would call her at work when I got home from school .... "Mom I am soooo hungry" she would tell me to eat oranges 

way way way back when 

that's when I first tried diet pills.... 

so many years of craziness... 

I am not there yet 

but I am reflecting lately on the why's of all this 

where did my confidence go? why is there no motivation? 

I went and lifted yesterday with my trainer... dang first time in a month for sure 

blaming a busy work schedule isn't the whole truth 

where did my confidence go? why is there no motivation? 

I went and it felt good, bad, hard, scary to look in the gym mirror 

but I have been remembering.... and realizing this has to be about me 

this has to be for me 

that doesn't make me a bad person... to care and nurture for myself 

to spend time and money on myself 

gotta run 

things to do 

but first today I will care about me 
and be nice and take care of me 
today 




Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Wait.... What??!!

I have been on Weight Watchers for what???? 

5 days 

and I am not in my size 4's yet 
not even my 6's 
not even my 8's
nope not even my 10's 

yeah no quick fix 


dang 


ate some of my weeklie points last night 

not going to lie 

freaked me out 

but I kept remembering Seans video 

nope not going to get on that evil scale 
this takes time and I am not going to let the scale determine my day 

I didn't binge last night 

had dinner with the hubster and used some weeklies 

life goes on 

it's a journey 


tootles 

Monday, October 26, 2015

Monday recapping

on plan check 
water check 
activity meh 

I am figuring out how to connect my fitbit to my WWer account 


5 egg whites and an Oroweat bagel thin 


bar 


pumpkin protein pudding 
with FF Cool whip 


ONE cookie 


oops forgot to take pictures 
of the 2 above meals 

boo yah 
good day 

may or may not have a SF popsicle

tootles 



Monday's musings

I should be getting in the shower... blah 
Mondays blah... 

I have been VERY absent in the work out department 



today was no exception 

usually I have gotten more active as I feel better about myself 
translation: after I have already dropped some weight 
(so silly I need to feel good to feel better!!!) 


I am sure this will be no exception 

all food is packed and within my digits 



not perfection.... progress 

I think it is time for me to admit....... 

I am not a pumpkin spice fan 


pumpkin protein pudding... meh 
it is one of those things (like salmon) 

that every dieter/health conscious person likes/loves 

right? 

not me 

beautifully unique 


that's me 

Have an awesome Monday folks 

see ya tonight 


Sunday, October 25, 2015

Sunday Sunday


Good weekend 
food on point 
not  100% clean 
not Paleo 
Not Whole Food 
but what works for me 

current 179


egg whites on a Bagel thin 


SF jello
1/2 cup low fat cottage cheese 
pineapple, carrots and apple 


SF 15 calorie pop 


TV show food 


I made Protein pumpkin pudding 
meh 
but I made several
so I added some Fat free cool whip 
and not too bad 


Halibut
quiona 
green beans 


an 80 calorie fudgsicle 

goal 140
so here I go 
on my journey
it takes time 
somehow I seem to have forgotten that 
~~~~~
I was thinking I would wake up 140 pounds 
like I could drink the magic Kool aid 
but no such luck 






test test test

back in 2010 I did Weight Watchers 
no meetings 
just did the points, tracked 
and took pictures of EVERYTHING I ate 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
but my iphone died 


and I am not eligible for an upgrade until the middle of December... 
so I wait with a cheapo phone 


wow that was waaaaayyyy too much info 

TMI? like who cares... right 


wait, what!? 
how did I get sidetracked? 

point is I now have a not so great camera... 
here is the test picture 


not to Gawd awful?! 

so lets try this whole picture of all my food thing 
again ... what the heck 


tootles...

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Good Morning CALIFORNIA!!!!

Goooooooooooooooood Morning CALIFOOOOOOORNIA!!!!!!!! 


yesterday... another good day in da books 


down a bit this morning 
high last week was 180-181
this morning 177.2

so going in the right direction 
Monday, October 19, 2015 
If every day were like today...   You'd weigh 164 lbs in 5 weeks 


I know it seems like a lot of calories... but I put in the steps/walking 

the store I work at is ginormous!! 
and yesterday was just a regular work day 


and I put in 13590 steps 

I am up early .... so I SHOULD go to the gym 

should 
should 
should 

but I feel uncomfortable right now going to the gym 

makes no sense I know 


I am a little coo coo right now 
feeling not ON point 
but working to get there 

one day at a time 

gots ta go make my food for today 
and jump on my treadmill 


yep I will get there 
it's not a race 
tootles 
see ya tomorrow 




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