Friday, July 8, 2016

Too serious

Why do I self sabotage

I would have been my goal three months ago but 
I seem to always take two steps forward one step back 

it's like I am afraid of being successful 

I have come too far to quit. 
I will put on my big girl pants and continue to do the work 

Just frustrated 
At myself 

Why? Why do I fall so hard when I fall? 
Just keeping it real here people 

Some days are bad 

I hear all the time you cannot out exercise a bad diet, this is so true 

I surround myself with positive people, 
very active in all of the supportive Facebook groups 
I reach out to people but then I still self sabotage 

Wake up "the morning after" saying never again 
Says every alcoholic the morning after 
no I didn't drink... Food seems to be my drug of choice lately
Going to spend the next two days nutritionally cleansing
 and try to get my head and my body back to a normal place 
Try and push the darkness out of my head.  
Sounds very melodramatic but that's really kind how it feels... 

I know deep down my deep dark fear is fear of failure 
and looking stupid. 
I think this is why I have socially isolated  for so many years

Yo wow too heavy here, need to chillax a bit 
I am just a normal insecure unsure of herself
 50ish... looking for answers to life 
confused hard-working driven gal
Today will be a better day Dang I sure hope so 

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