Thursday, November 17, 2016

Shame, guilt and low self esteem

so today will not be a normal silly, light post
I have been thinking a lot about this and so I am going to go ahead and blog about it

Shame and guilt

being a weight loss ~ maintenance ~ regainer ~ trying to lose again blogger I have a LOT of Shame and guilt. I see other bloggers disappear and wonder if this is the cycle of the S/G? Which also has a LOT to do with low self esteem. Someone VERY close to me said recently to me that I had terribly low self esteem... and yeah I know this... I am kind of a Karla hater... I do screw up A LOT!!!!

but how do you stop this guilt ~ shame ~ low self esteem cycle? So weird that I am so IN THIS in spite of the fact that in the last 5 months I have been recognized by my employer several times

Some people love public recognition, others yeah not so much

It's like I maliciously sabotaged myself to be in this position (up 10 pounds since September)
Pulled away from my support system ... shame and guilt
I night eat and sabotage myself too much
I found this on the net (psychcentral.com)

Shame underlies self-destructive behaviors:
  • Hidden shame often drives self-destructive behaviors and other psychological symptoms such as rage, avoidance, or addictions.
  • Self-destructive behaviors often are an attempt to regulate overpowering, painful feelings but lead to more shame, propelling the self-destructive cycle.
  • Secrecy, silence, and out-of-control behaviors fuel shame.
  • Shame makes people want to hide and disappear, reinforcing shame.
  • Shame is created in children through scolding, judging, criticizing, abandonment 
It is hard to "get back to normal" for me ... a lot of start and restarts ... I am currently in the process of trying again to build yet ANOTHER support system I am connected to daily.. 

and it's hard for people that are wired differently ... I can't tell you how many people (I know) I have disappointed ... or have come into my world and left (old trainers, Weight Watcher friends and leaders to name a few) that I am sure just walked away shaking their heads... why doesn't she just GET it? 

for someone like that I envy and then that feeds the whole guilt ~ shame ~ low self esteem place inside of me 

then there is the topic of my big ole mouth... and how I love to blog and say "oh this IS IT!!!" hence more shame ~ guilt ~ low self esteem 

It's a tough mountain to climb 


I think I will load some audio books today on this topic as I commute a lot and use this time for audio books 

sorry for the lengthiness of this post and the more serious spin but this has been on my mind as I am so IN this place right now 

I am not so much like in this horrible, awful place... just getting this off my chest and out there 


Have a good day and see ya later  

1 comment:

  1. I enjoy reading your blog. I am right there with you... A serious subject - shame - It's a tough cycle, but you're on the right path to getting out of it. Reconnect, be accountable, don't isolate, and take care of yourself. Do something you truly love - a massage is my thing... You need no reason other than you deserve self care. There is no failure except in no longer trying...

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