Thursday, February 2, 2017

long morning ramble

there is phase in life ... and it has happened several times 
when I find a truth and then the lie can no longer be enjoyed 
now mind you I did not know the place I was in was the lie 
but when you know the truth you see the lie clearly 
unfortunately/fortunately you cannot unsee the truth 
follow me with this 
I am a recovering alcoholic 
I say "recovering" because I will always have this addiction 
I have to daily abstain from alcohol because I have this physical/mental condition 
once I start drinking ...and I am an adult... I CAN drink if I want to... totally my choice  
but I CHOOSE not to drink because I can and do easily become 
dependent on it as a coping mechanism and this leads me to very dark 
physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationship damaging places 

I have been on both sides of this 
I know the truth 
I cannot unsee this 
this is MY truth 

okay now lets move to my weight problem 
I call it a problem because this I have also been on both sides 
I know the truth for me 
and unfortunately once I know a truth to be THE truth for me
I cannot unsee this 
it's a bummer sometimes 

what works for my is a system 
of LEAN proteins, vegetables, fruits, healthy fats, shakes 
kick those processioned foods to the curb ... 
bummer because I love me some Fiber One Cheesecake bars, and being a grocery store manager 
I have the intel on all the new and yummy "diet friendly" products 
close connections to people on the same system and path 
bummer cause I have this stubborn streak and want to always be fixing my truth
tweeking the truth 
revising my truth 
trying to twist my truth to what I want 
but the truth IS THE TRUTH 
you can't tweek, bend, revise it 
it is what it is... THE TRUTH 
I cannot unsee this truth 
wow what a bummer 
now mind you this is MY truth 
your truth may be different 
what works for me may not and USUALLY does not work for you 
we all have to find OUR OWN truth 

So where do I go from here? 
I feel like the millionth time I walked into an AA meeting 
and raised my hand AGAIN as having less than 30 days 
then as I kept going back and kept raising my hand the sting got less and less 
until on that 31st day I DID NOT raise my hand 
I had made it to day 31 alcohol free 
wow that was an amazing accomplishment 
LIFE changing for me 

so here I am 
day one for the millionth time 
I am blogging about my food struggle 
having eaten candy yesterday 
in response to stress and frustration 
I know what works 
I know the truth 
I cannot unsee it 

"and who here has less than 30 days of sobriety"
I have to use the same tools I used to get sober 
close connections to people in the program 
daily contact with my higher power 
one day at a time 
sometimes one minute at a time 
a lot of prayer 
Day one 

for the millionth time 
I got sober from alcohol so I know I can do this 
alcohol turns to sugar in the body 
so this is just another form of my addiction 
I can do this 
but I can only do this today 

One day at a time 
sometimes one minute 

1 comment:

  1. This is an amazing post! I gotta raise my hand as less than 30 days of healthy eating my way. This is going into my bookmarked pages.


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