Thursday, April 13, 2017

Nope no posers here!!!

I have always been a BIG eater 
I can and do eat A LOT 
I have never been a petite delicate eater 

well duh I didn't wear a size 20 ... or 22? I don't remember because I would cut out the size tags because I couldn't face the fact 
but in reading the book: It was me all along  It got me thinking 
Yesterday was a bit of a tough day.... not a binge day let's put that out there right now 
but not an award winning losing calorie day 
so what was the problem? 

  • I had a plan... but changed my mind and didn't like the plan and the back up plan was just bars and shakes ... hummmmm should have stuck to the initial plan 
  • then I got OVERWHELMED ... sometimes I feel out of control of my surroundings... like YOU, her, him you all control ME and it makes me mad, angry, and wanting to control SOMETHING and yesterday when I went over and grabbed a fresh hot cookie just baked... I FORCED myself to s...l...o...w.... down and taste it. Enjoy it, savor it and one was enough... weird ..... Thank you Andi
Today is a day off so I won't be surrounded by all the you's and them's 
and I can just be at peace with me


but yesterday REALIZING in the moment that I went for that cookie 
and as I was walking over to get the cookie 
that it wasn't about the cookie 
it was about control... I so wanted to feel in control 
I felt out of control 
it was a small victory in the moment 
The book is amazing if you have ever struggled with binge eating 
I also came to a revelation yesterday ... 
I have been feeling a bit like a failure... I am not a size 4 

I write this blog and track my food, I exercise, I drink my shakes but I have felt like because I am not the smallest I have ever been I am a poser, somehow a liar but yesterday I came to the realization that this is a lifetime journey and I am focused on always working toward being the best version of myself as possible so I am not a poser, and I am not a liar. 

I am authentically me 
57, fitter than most 57 year old women, in the gym 5-6 times EVERY week, I track my food. I wear a size 6-10 (depending on brand) a medium or large top... I am doing life 

Nope no poser here 

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