I have taken steps
but time to do some work
it's not so much about the number on the scale
but the relationship with the food that is the issue now.
I had ALWAYS thought just MY journey and it is kinda....
but if I choose to go this alone it is harder
and I feel scared, I lie to myself I sabotage myself.
I am learning (have learned) I need support from several different sources
I will figure this out
I AM doing this and what I have come to understand is
smaller Karla is an anomaly
definition of anomaly: something that deviates from what is standard, normal, or expected
so I have to make friends with smaller Karla when she gets here
and she is kinda scary
okay I have officially entered weirdo zone here
but I truly think getting there isn't/wasn't the problem
and so why was staying there (goal weight) such a problem?
it's weird after being 50-60 pounds more for pretty much the majority of my life
to all of a sudden to expect to just be okay and accepting and
to SEE myself as this smaller human
okay have I lost everyone here?
I know my issue
being okay with smaller me
I know what I need
support and accountability
and perhaps some therapy.... that I am in process of setting up
why can't everything just be yeah or nay?
ahhh I miss the old days when I used to just think
calories in vs calories out
unfortunately life just isn't that simple
work to do
on the daily today's plan
a call tonight
then relax some more