Tuesday, August 7, 2018

Figuring some stuff out

I have taken steps 
scary steps 
but time to do some work 
it's not so much about the number on the scale 
but the relationship with the food that is the issue now. 
I had ALWAYS thought just MY journey and it is kinda.... 
but if I choose to go this alone it is harder
 and I feel scared, I lie to myself  I sabotage myself. 
I am learning (have learned) I need support from several different sources 
I will figure this out
I AM doing this and what I have come to understand is 
smaller Karla is an anomaly 
definition of anomaly: something that deviates from what is standard, normal, or expected

so I have to make friends with smaller Karla when she gets here 
and she is kinda scary 
okay I have officially entered weirdo zone here 
but I truly think getting there isn't/wasn't the problem 
and so why was staying there (goal weight) such a problem? 
it's weird after being 50-60 pounds more for pretty much the majority of my life  
to all of a sudden to expect to just be okay and accepting and 
to SEE myself as this smaller human 

okay have I lost everyone here? 
I know my issue 
being okay with smaller me 
I know what I need 
support and accountability
and perhaps some therapy.... that I am in process of setting up 
why can't everything just be yeah or nay? 
life's complicated 
ahhh I miss the old days when I used to just think 
calories in vs calories out 
unfortunately life just isn't that simple 
work to do 
on the daily today's plan 
coffee
blog
work out 
shower
eat
read
relax
 a call tonight 
then relax some more 
tootles 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Blog Archive